Sanitary Claus is coming to town

By Natalie Baker

It’s that time of year again, folks – another bloody Christmas. When shop window displays are a delicious cocktail of glitter and fake snow, and Michael Bublé’s tender voice luxuriates our ear holes. But we love it. DON’T WE?!!

‘Tis the season when everyone is plagued with flu. When pale-faced commuters cough and splutter into their flat whites and TV ads demand that we SPEND, SPEND, SPEND!! Many of us are anxious about the many gifts we have to buy (Urm... is austerity even over though?!!) not to mention the dreaded prospect of Uncle Bernie asking for a kiss under the mistletoe. (PSA - you do not have to kiss ANYONE under the mistletoe if you don’t want to! Phew, glad we got that out of the way.)

But fear not friends, the Bloody Good elves are here to help. To continue the BGP festive tradition – because we know how much you all loved last year’s – we have curated a fem-tastic, vulva-loving and austerity-friendly gift guide for you all. So grab yourself a hot toddy and read on for some original gifts that will educate, amuse and delight loved ones.

Raise your menstrual cup with pride and embellish your undies with the “Cheers!” Embroidered Patch by Jess De Wahls. This iron-on patch can jazz up a tote bag, plain t-shirt or even your cousin’s Christmas jumper! You might need to educate Uncle Bernie on the concept of menstrual cups though. Just watch he doesn’t choke on that rogue sprout, otherwise you’ll find yourself doing the Heimlich manoeuvre as Aunt Pamela tends to the turkey.

We bloody adore this She’s The Boss scarf by illustrator and pattern designer Jacqueline Colley. Printed on a bamboo fabric that’s both vegan and sustainable, the retro design is illustrated with office accessories and stationery. Perfect if you’ve got a bit more dollar to splurge; buy this for someone special, ideally a kick-ass boss.

If you’re stuck on what to buy ‘the feminist who has everything’ then this art print by Black and Beech could be your saving grace. Printed on silk card, the ‘Revolution begins at home’ slogan is a reminder that the personal is political. Small acts of resistance really can make a difference. Power to the people!

This gift guide wouldn’t be complete without some sparkle thrown in. Oxford-based ethical jewellers Wear and Resist have created a range of statement necklaces in collaboration with Mary Beard, the legendary art historian and scholar. You can also custom-design your own necklace with a range of colours and punchy words. The company donate 20% of their profits to a different charity each month (psstt… this month it’s us!!)

For book-loving folk, we have a few stand-out titles that provoked thought and inspired change in 2018.

Book #1: We are head-over-heels in love with Period. by Natalie Byrne, published by Break The Habit press. A London-based illustrator and activist, Natalie uses her work to advocate intersectional feminism and highlight social issues. The detailed illustrations throughout include a set-by-step diagram on how to successfully insert a tampon. Thanks to the wonderful Natalie, 10% of net profits for each book sold goes to BGP.

Book #2: Scarlett Curtis is the creator behind the brilliant Feminists Don’t Wear Pink, a collection of essays written by influential women. Published in partnership with Girl Up, a campaign of the United Nations Foundation, contributors include Jameela Jamil, Dolly Alderton and Amika George.

Book #3: Yes, You Are Trans Enough by transgender blogger Mia Violet confronts the challenges of transitioning, by using her own personal journey to provide a captivating narrative. In Mia’s own words, it’s “An essential read for anyone who has had to fight to be themselves.”

If you’re looking to give a charitable gift this Christmas, then we’ve got it covered! Fill your stockings with our #flowhoho Festive Period campaign. Simply choose from the light, medium and heavy stocking, and we turn your £££ into pads.

You’ll even get a link to download a gift certificate to let Bernie and Pamela know what you spent their gift money on!

The goods will go directly to someone affected by period poverty. We know what you’re thinking... It’s about bloody time Father Christmas checked his privilege and used his global platform to raise awareness about period poverty. Cheers to that!

Finally, when you’re twenty sherries in and your gut is processing that thoroughly-masticated pud, instead of watching The Snowman again, take yourself upstairs to a quiet, dimly-lit room. Shut the door to block out the sound of Brexit chat coming from the living room and the smell of Uncle Bernie’s nut roast farts. Instead, do one of the following things:

Put on a tune (Abba?) and bust out some moves in a way that only Theresa knows how.

Listen to a bloody brilliant podcast, like this one by First Blood Podcast UK and then have a nap.

Read Natalie Byrne’s Period and indulge in a few thousand more Quality Street.

Go on, you bloody deserve it.